PENIS 101- Your
Yale University Guide to "Mr. Brain"
Complicating
variable (to be thrown out):
Mr. Brain. As in,
"I
have largely limited the discussion here to Lyme arthritis, the simplest case
because the end point (no more arthritis) is so clear, and one does not have to
introduce complicating variables such as the blood-brain barrier." ---
Stephen Malawista, Yale University
See also in the
Dictionary
of Connecticutisms, GreatCod makes a
joke about Steven Malapisa and the End of Life Procedure- "Death by Lethal
Erection"
Update to the "Penises Trump Brains-ology"
by Yale University: If you are looking for the full text report where
Steven Malawista recommended throwing out the brain because it was "a
complicating variable," the Rheuma21st.com report is no longer available full
text free online. You can find it here, however, but you'll have to be "an
irresponsible parent because you go to the library" - a Nancy Martinism - to get
it:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1128048
Here is the "Short Penis" study referenced by Slate
Online magazine:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15922413
"Treatment of men complaining of short penis:"
"Every patient was informed that if his flaccid and
stretched penis size was 4 cm and 7 cm or more, respectively, it was considered
normal."
Small and large paperclips as compared to average-sized penis
claims (below). As you can see, a standard large sized paperclip is 5 cm and a
standard small sized paperclip is 3 cm. Penis-obsession is best
treated by informing men that they only have to be 3/8ths inches bigger than a
small paperclip to be in the normal range.
According to the Yale Psychiatry Department, no other health
matters are important; all life and health matters are penis matters, therefore
we shall adjust topics accordingly. (Watch for Corrupticut Penis
Matters updates by DCF, DMHAS, Kristine Ragaglia, and Yale.)
